ambiguity concealed in a fragile facade if you need me, I will be… watering the cat parenting myself being my own doctor and spouse trying to keep it together, jumbled. Purse in the fridge - that was grandmother’s tell across the Lethe, forgetting finances and birthdays traumatized by constant urgency, losing the thread broken stanzas and increasingly frequent nightmares and moments, now minutes where I just seize up and can’t do anything, fists clenched hoping my rural life comes together having to ground and relocate and reassemble powering down defunct systems, closing off empty avenues finding memories on the page of neurodegenerative diseases, social structures since superfluous people who I don’t know who are anymore falling through and past life in an alienated state selfies and the cell phone of someone unrecognizable the same cup of coffee everyday like the paper cups in the mess hall in the most remote places on earth, (or was it polystyrene, back then)? the officer who did Afghanistan, she had a full two years out so I shan’t be too hard on myself “I’m not a danger to myself or anyone else, Thank you very much for your concern.” Is all I can manage, and the coffee is barely touched. Now it is time for myself.
April 27, 2026